Also, I can kill you with my brain

...but I'm kind of wanting a Honda.

I'm not sure how long I can keep this up. Still, if I can only manage one of these a month I should just about be able to just about keep up with his output.

1:30 Seagal & partner crawling around jungle. Elephants. Will this
be about the ivory trade? Is he going to team up with Tony Jaa?

Oh, it's just about opium poppies.

4:45 partner dead before credits roll

6:00 credits. "Screenplay by Steven Seagal and Joe Halpin"
( 6:01 I brace myself )

When I did the first of these, I really wasn't expecting to continue. I just couldn't sleep. Now that it seems to be developing I'm wondering if I should have started at the beginning. Gone through them in sequence. Tried to identify the exact moment in his career when things went so terribly, terribly wrong. My gut feeling is somewhere between Half Past Dead and The Foreigner, but I can't really be sure if it's been a steady progression, or if they dropped radically when he went from making one film per year to three films per year. Anyway, I'm in it now and there's no point in crying over spilt Maks.

( I watch these so you don't have to )

I just want to start by addressing the big question in everyone's mind.


( no maks were dimmed in the making of this film )

OK, I couldn't sleep, but wasn't awake enough to do anything brain heavy, so I started watching this. Only I noted that the acting seemed a little sub-par (think about that for a second) and seemed to be starring Coolio, and realized that I was actually watching this. Which was a little reassuring, in that I realized that there are things so bad that even I won't watch them.



( After that false start )

that in this Behemoth seems to resemble nothing so much as an Ewok. But black. A goth Ewok.

"Shinken Shiriba-Dori! Sword secret of the Yagyu! Trapped, the blade cannot be pulled, cannot be thrust. There is only one way to defeat it...Let it go!"